Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in B's LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 22nd, 2002
6:17 pm	wowee man it's crazy i haven't posted in so long but i decided to since i am leaving for englang in about 10 hours from now. i'm all ready and everything is packed. today though there was a little scare cause the lady at delta said that since my ticket is a standby that i might have to wait a day or two but luckily i called and everything is cool so i am still leaving as schedualed. i can't wait to be out there on my own just going places meeting people and most of all playing music all the time. i keep feeling like i've forgotten something vital that i need to pack but i can't think of anything, ugh. well to all i don't see before i leave, i'll be back so tey not to miss me too much, hehe. peace-......' (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 11th, 2002
12:59 am	*sigh* wow it's been a while. well the whole england thing looks very affirmative now. i went to the city hall and they said that the latest i will get my passport is february 22 and i'm pretty sure that it will be before then so i will be booking my flight for about then a little before then or a little after then, i guess which better deal i get. i guess the lady at the travel agency is friends with my mom so i'm hoping she'll look extra hard for a good deal, heh. i'm kind of worried about money but then i shouldn't be , because that's not what my dream has been for a long time so i guess as long as i'm there experiencing things different than being mentaly numbed by the boredom of the harbor, things should be good. i guess i just crave mmore stimulation even though i prefer simple things. but there gets to a point where things can get too simple and that's when it gets frustrating. i've been writing music non stop and i hope i can make loads more there. or i guess it could be that i crave more inspiration and so i need to live something new, to add to my mental picture book library. i really want to see loads of people before i leave, and i hope that people can visit as well cause fuck, i'm gonna miss people. work has bee more lame then ever lately it seems like i've been working non stop[ but my pay checks are horrible. oh well. well i'm gonna go enjoy this song that's on peace Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: and awesome dj shadow live mix... (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 29th, 2001
2:08 am	"Dear Brendan, here is your horoscope for December 29, 2001." everyday i get tripped out by my horoscope. "You could gain some wisdom today if you are willing to look at the past, Brendan. Maybe you are trying to make an important decision. You could be thinking about accepting a new job or making a change in residence. You're probably wondering how to make the right choice. Before you finalize your decision, think about past choices you have made. What did those adventures teach you, and how do they apply to your situation now?" Current Mood: thirsty Current Music: 'real love'-smashing pumpkins the best!! (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 6th, 2001
4:54 pm	'feel the warmth of the sun and the moon..." well it's been a while since i've actually taken the time to type on my computer. i guess my interest in being online and all that technology stuff, has faded extremely. i don't watch tv now either, well it depends i guess. cause there are some shows that i still have to watch but i do'nt get upset because i didn't get my programing fix for the night. i'm still planning on the whole UK thing, but i still haven't gotten my passport so that sucks but i still plan to leave around mid january or so. then i'm gone, ahh the idea, blows my mind. and i'm so so happy!!! i was reading today that they decriminalized marijuana in the UK, finally some people came to their senses. people have their rights and all. i was talking with my father the other day and we discussed why it shouldn't be illegal because it jsut doesn't make sense. but that's weird talking about that with my dad cause he doesn't agree with people smoking the herb but he said that because i educated myself about it before ever trying it that as long as i don't get cought or have it at home then he doesn't care if i smoke it, because that is my act as being somewhat of a libertarian, and my dad strongly believes in peoples rights and all that. so if a person can drink a beer then why can't they light up a fat bob marly and chill out...ahhh. well to an extrememly opposite topic, i have to work shortly and i really don't wanna go. one of the managers told me that i should be getting a raise soon. i see how it is, right before i flee the country then they decide to boost my pay, it would've helped if they would've tooken action on that idea of theirs a couple months ago! oh well. i should be off. and E, i'm terribly sorry about everything and i am also terribly sorry for not calling you when i said i would, i'm still having trouble getting out and getting a calling card, cause i got one but then it only worked for the US so i gotta get a new one but that should be soon though. i still wanna go. but there are some things i want to discuss about the trip though cause i haven't gotten my ticket yet and i need some info. peace Current Mood: high Current Music: 'i think i'm in love' -spiritualized (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 18th, 2001
2:43 am	i was blazed at the time this convo just happened a few seconds ago on IM with me and sweetminerva and it was weird cause i was high and it was random but the idea of a person typing drunk cracks me up, cause i know it's hard. heh it's funny cause this is probably the only way of recording that bit in time cause neither of us would remember otherwise, heh: sweetminerva: hey b! brrranston: hey wassup brrranston: hows it goin sweetminerva: i am completely trashed brrranston: right on brrranston: heh sweetminerva: and i am going to pass out in someone sweetminerva: s bed right now sweetminerva: i just thought i'd say hi! sweetminerva: you are the best brrranston: alright, well hi and by sweetminerva: you rock the house brrranston: thanks sweetminerva: and now i'm going sweetminerva: bye brrranston: 8-) brrranston: later Current Mood: high Current Music: bjork-"post" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 10th, 2001
11:14 am	"sucks to be brendan" well i had wednesday and thursday off and so on thursday i went up to seattle to see dj dan at shane's fraternity (how they hooked that up i don't know) and i hung out with nate at his dorm ("the corn" at the art institute) and we got really ripped and then walked around the city, god it was amazing. everything looked so beautiful, i have to do that again. then later that day we took the bus to the U district and walked around for forever looking for shane's frat when we finally found it, it was a bunch of hanging around watching tv and going to taco bell to pass the time cause it wasn't even night time yet. well the party was starting to begin but we needed a smoke so we went outside then shane was out there and we started talking and then his friend from class, Garth, showed up and then we all started talking about the facts about weed and how if people actually studied it and looked up the reason why it was illegalized in the first place people wouldn't think it's bad and how stupid people are for believing dumb ass rumors about it and going along with propoganda, so we all decided that our conversations were way better than trying to be around a bunch of dumb drunk jocks and sluts, and watching everyone try and be cool and prove themselves to everyone. so we went to a greek type restaurant that was run by a bunch of hindu people, it was pretty neat, and we all talked for a long time until we all wanted to go to bed. all that was good up until this: the next day waking up at nate's dorm room, i remembered that i had to work at 5 and so i had 5 hours till i had to work and so i called my brother at home and assked him to call in sick for me, and he said it was cool. he called back and he said that he told them that i was passed out with a migraine and so they told him to leave me a note so i would call work an hour before i have to work so they can make sure that i still can't come in or something like that, but he told me that it would probably be best to just not call at all cause that would mean that i'm actually sick, so i didn't. well, when i finally got back from seattle and i was hanging out at nate's parents house watching batman returns on upn. and then sean and nicole rolled by and we all went to a party at brenna's place, way out in the middle of nowhere, and had lots of fun. then i get home this morning at around 8 or 9 on no sleep and hungover as fuck, and i see a note that says "brendan, call michele at work" but i noticed it wasn't my brothers hand writing so it wasn't the note that he said he would write for me (he didn't really need to though considering i wasn't really sleeping at my house i was in seattle) It was in my mom's handwriting, and then i realized that they didn't know where i was and the last they knew was that i was in seattle and so that meant that since my brother told me not to call them back later, i didn't, so they must have called my house asking for me and then teh conversation could hvae gone something like this: "is brendan there?" "um, no i actually don't know where he is right now, the last i know he went to seattle, and he hasn't come home yet so i'm assuming he's out right now" "i see....um, well..OK well tell him that he has to call michele at work as soon as possible then" "alrighty i will" "thanks a lot, bye" "ok bye" See, if a job thinks you are sick and then they find out that you are out having fun, they can fire you if they want to. so i'm pretty positive that they will now, because i have been calling in late a lot as well, but the sucky part of all this is, it's out of my control and if it's in my control then it's for best intentions. i called in sick becuase i didn't want to be lectured after telling them that i was stuck in seattle and i couldn't make it back into town, cause i knew they wouldnt understand because no one ever understands, but i also had my brother do it for me because if i was to get lectured it would ring up a phone bill like no other and it wasn't my phone and the person who owned the phone is a college student so they aren't rich at all. god i hate this. and now i'm affraid to call my work and i'm tempted to just waltz into work like nothing happened, all clueless. but i don't know if i should say that my brother missunderstood when i told him to tell them that i couldn't make it in,(like tell them that i he should've told them that i was in seattle but he thought that saying i'm sick was better) or if i should say that i was home when they called, "but i was all passed out upstairs and my parents were downstairs and by not going upstairs they didn't know i was home, asleep in my bed." or what, i don't know. i'm gonna go smoke and then dwell on these negative things for a while. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: no music is on, it sucks, i should change that.. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 6th, 2001
12:58 am	"..just contimplating sitting 'round..." well i haven't posted in a while because the big RT is finally giving me decent hours, finally good money. other than that the only things i have been doing is hanging out with people and running into people and working with people. excited for january, for some reason christmas doesn't seem as close as it should, same with thanksgiving i have no clue why. well maybe it's cause a lot has been on my mind for no reason, not a lot, like, stressful negative things, but more of a just having an overload of thoughts in shorter periods of time, and so it can be distracting from everyday life, so it's good in a way. but on the other hand i feel more disconnected with people and talking about pointless things with people everyday gets annoying and makes me unsettled in my seat. so i guess i have been trying to adjust so to speak, and it's been working. i still hate work, and i still hate boring GH though. well i'm off to bed. Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: spiritualized-"don't just do something" (Comment on this)
12:58 am	"..just contimplating sitting 'round..." well i haven't posted in a while because the big RT is finally giving me decent hours, finally good money. other than that the only things i have been doing is hanging out with people and running into people and working with people. excited for january, for some reason christmas doesn't seem as close as it should, same with thanksgiving i have no clue why. well maybe it's cause a lot has been on my mind for no reason, not a lot, like, stressful negative things, but more of a just having an overload of thoughts in shorter periods of time, and so it can be distracting from everyday life, so it's good in a way. but on the other hand i feel more disconnected with people and talking about pointless things with people everyday gets annoying and makes me unsettled in my seat. so i guess i have been trying to adjust so to speak, and it's been working. i still hate work, and i still hate boring GH though. well i'm off to bed. Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: spiritualized-"don't just do something" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 26th, 2001
4:30 pm	'the trouble with the strait and the narrow is it's too thin i keep sliding off to the side..." well it's almost time for me to go to work and be irritated by people i work with and people i work for and the annoying customers i loath. but on a lighter note i thought i would post something i find extremely hilareous and any inteligent person should check out cause they are the ones who will get this. some people think this is real and e-mail this sight in discust but i'm tempted to write them with props because it is genius. everyone, go to www.landoverbaptist.org it is the funniest shit you could bare whitness to. Current Music: spiritualized-"the strait and narrow" (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 11th, 2001
2:27 pm	enough is never enough well here's an announcement for all who care. now that i finally moved i have time to record onto my computer, so i went and hooked up my machine and recorded some cool beats. anyone who wants to should check em out they are on www.departureclothing.com/fibre/. they are just intrumental right now and other things i couldn't hook up to my computer made em simple but i like em anyway and E, you should deffinately check em out, so now you can get the songs even if i miss you on IM. but these are only a few of waht i have, so there will be more to come and more ideas will always be arround my brain. well i ought to be getting ready for work and i have to smoke. peace* Current Mood: calm Current Music: amon tobin- "get your snack on" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 10th, 2001
3:38 am	Dear Brendan, here is your horoscope for October 10, 2001. Dear Brendan, here is your horoscope for October 10, 2001. Social activities that were once such fun begin to feel a lot like chores, Brendan. The whole "social game" now strikes you as ridiculous, and one that you'd rather not play. That's because the way you relate to other people is in the process of changing. The mask you have worn all these years no longer fits. It is time to find a new one, or see what it feels like to wear none at all. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: just some beats y'know (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 6th, 2001
2:15 am	Dear Brendan, here is your horoscope for October 06, 2001. Today there could be some changes in personnel at your workplace, Brendan. You might see some new faces, or some of your friends could be moving on to a different place. This changing of the guard may feel a little strange. You could find yourself wondering about your own future and contemplating your career path. Don't make any sudden decisions. If you stay where you are right now, you'll soon have greater clarity of mind. Current Music: deep purple-"highway star" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 1st, 2001
2:46 am	we love to see you get the runs wow this is weird, right now my music stuff and this computer is one of the few things that aren't all boxed up right now i my house. i'm getting weird about moving now. it just doesn't feel right. the only up side about moving is i guess i will be living next door to the owner of the mcdonalds out here in the harbor, so i'm either going to be nice to him so i can finaggle some food or hurass him, either way works. i think it'd be funny to dress up like ronald mcdonald and go over there and tell him that it doesn't matter how many burgers they've sold, they still suck and they should be brought down, i think that would get a scare out of him. heh. but yah this might be one of my last posts for a while cause i don't know when i'm gonna get interenet at the new house. so until then. oh yah don't worry e, i will still have the same phone number. Current Music: lots of shit stuck in my head i guess (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 28th, 2001
12:11 am	YO mtv sends it's condolences! i should just start working 24/7 now cause on my days off, there seems to be nothing to do at all. so i spent most of my day helping my parents pack stuff up and move things around and get it ready to ship out to the new place. this change will be like any other change in my life so i'm not worried, in fact it's good cause i will have more space of my own to make music and that's pretty much one of the main i things i care about now. one of my good friends nate is moving to college today, like everyone else now so that sucks. he said we'd hang before he left but seeing that today i did almost nothing but pack and smoke, that means he never called. so now i don't know how to get a hold of him or anything, i also don't know how to get a hold of dan or shane either. ugh, oh well. Baines, if you're readin this, on the night before shane had to leave me and him just sat around and did nothing, we tried calling like 5 times but no one answered at your place cause we both wanted to hang out. so i'm sorry that he's gone now. but i still wanna hang sometime, go to shari's and catch up. speaking of shari's before everyone left i was there all the time and i never saw you, do you even go there anymore? pray tell that you haven't converted to denny's...heh. on another note, if i don't get to go to the uk (which i won't allow to happen) i'm almost done with an entire set of my own shit that ocul dbe done live if i wanted, so i've been thinking about that but i'm not sure yet. i guess it's jsut the same fears coming to me again, fears of people not totally getting it, or something. well i'm off to go chill and avoid the tube. Current Music: theivery corporation- "rainbow" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 26th, 2001
12:50 am	dreams of barder well today was boring as all hell except that i got to walk around in the new house i'm moving into with my family on tuesday. packing sucks. it's so so nice though, i'm won't be used to this luxury, but then again it's just stuff. so i'm still dreaming of this winter time. i'm kicking myself though cause i haven't gotten on getting my passport and i know that will take a while to get so my trip will probably be delaid another month , ahhhhh!!!! there's always something. ugh. i think my family is noticing a change in me and so do i but it's cause i'm trying to save more money so i've been laying off the ganj' which sucks cause there's no reason to. so they've been witnessing a less compassionate and easy going brendan, now it's more of a crazy-i'm having flashbacks all the time-want to take things back-want to be a kid again-more irritable-but still loving , brendan. oh well though, things are still fun so that's good. been makin music like mad to distract myself but i think it's a good thing cause right now my creativity is skyrocketing (AND I CAN FINALLY SAVE PATTERNS ON MY ELECTRIBE!!!!I HAVE IT ALMOST ALL FIGURED OUT! YEAH!!!) god that machine is complex. i'm thinkin of bringing it to london, e. i've been wondering about bringing my equipment there, but then there's the elctricity problem, i'm gonna have to purchase converters and such and that's gonna be a pain and most of thos usually overheat, ugh. i'll figure something out. and to all, a while ago my comp had a virus so everything was lost including Instant Messenger and so recently i re-downloaded it and so my new screen name is Brrranston (that's THREE R's now instead of two) and so if you want your name back on my list of people you'll have to IM me sometime when you catch me on, and that's frequently now cause all my friends are gone (as the crowd goes awww) well not all of my friends. i can't wait to meet cool new people in england and reunite with some others. well i'm getting tired ot typing so i'm gone. Current Music: bjork- " unison" ...one day she'll be mine...oh yes... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 23rd, 2001
1:03 am	sigh of relief? i just love how stupid brands and what not, that you would see on the television, have the need to market off of tragedy now. they always have the same white nice looking font on a black background and it's always silent and they talk about how they feel bad then they flash their fucking logo. it's like it's taking the whole situation and smearing it all over my face and up my nose causing me to not breath and constantly think about how they don't care and how a lot of the media sees money in all of this shit, when all i can think about is all the death and blood, i dream of the future and i am frightened that i will lose my father and my brother to this greed for power. WHY THE FUCK IS POWER SO IMPORTANT TO EVERYONE!!!!! it just doesn't make sense to me. i find myself being separated from everyone's thinking and it's forcing me to leave without footprints. but enough about that, everyone's gone now it seems, well not everyone but dan and shane are off to school, i'm happy for them but like any normal human being i will miss seeing them all the time and all the best times that we had, but i'm not as down as i thought i would be cause it's not like they aren't coming back or i will never see them again, no big deal. my humanity is here and it will never go away. i've just been thinking lately, if my house were to burn down would i be sad. initially anyone would be but then when you think about it, why do i waste my time putting parts of my being into things that i own? it's just stuff, it has nothing to do with the heart itself. over the past week or so i've recieved a lot of annoying "FWD" emails, and i remember there was a poem and a line said soething to the effect of how "the two beutiful buildings will be missed" it made me so mad, it's just fucking money and glass and steel and bolts and desks and offices and such, it's the people we should mourn,(im not saying anyone doesn't) why is a thing or things so important to us all? why do people care about how their car looks like or how their hair is or what clothes they wear, or how much money they have. is that happiness? i've stopped watching the news because everything that i have forseen has come true about all of this shit, it's been about a week now. because when the terrorists look at us why do they dislike us? everyone says that they are carzy but obviously they are misled somewhere and have some sort of justification or reasoning, it just doesn't courolate with our beliefs. (i am not excusing anything) i think that if i was born there under that type of raising i would probably see materialism, casual sex, everyone worshipping money, attitude, and most of all , too much power. for years upon years america has always tried to either be the world bully or we try and tell everyone how to live but we also try and help other countries in need but we lack the understanding of why not a lot of countries in this world like us. we could call it jealousy to stroke our own ego's but it can be compared to someone with a lot of pride, if you were to be merely helping them they could be offended in a way cause you are trying to do their job for them, no one really likes that, i know it can irritate me every once and a while. cause when someone does something for you , it can make you realize that there's a good chance that you can't do it yourself and to avoid loosing face you remain proud and ungrateful. i see people like this everyday. everything is the same only in different shades and mediums and extremes. but when they see what americans (who are portrayed to them by their media and government) live off of, it's money and power. so waht do they hit, well we know about the towers and the pentagon, they fit both. but this morning at work i wasn't supprised when the power went out over most the town, i overheard something on the tv when ig ot home about it being connected with the terrorsists but who knows,(my manager called the power people but no one answered) i don't know who else was hit, but last week i was talking with stacey at my work about how everyone thinks that they are safe in small towns but, fuck, the terrorists aren't stupid enough to think that everyone would stay in the city, they know what we are going to do next you know. a lot of countries can live minimally but they know that we can't so even if it wasn't them that took the power, i could still see why they would hit that, because without power and ovens and microwaves and computers and tv's and nice kitchens and nice cars, good gass at the stations, thet stock market, ect...where would we be? i refuse to be vulnirable if my things are gone, i hope that i can still be who i am and only sad for the loss of humanity and not our ownerships and things that we only make matter. there's not a rainbow after every storm but eventually light does come around, and usually, hopefully people come together and actually LOVE. i have never appreciated people i know more than i do now. when the blankets are pulled we find the monster can be what we create and not actually there. we think that war and death and revenge can solve this, as my friend shane says "no one can forget a fight" but i think the biggest battle is with the people hearts and fears and the trying not to forget that we are not "merely humans" we are something special and we do have the power to look deeper into life and realize what's really important, then maybe the one and only tragedy will be the loss of people and not power and money and the fall of a government. when someone is truely happy, they can lose a thing and not have it bring them down because it isn't important. life is the only importance right now. and the human soul can't be broken. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 12th, 2001
12:39 pm	did no one see it coming? i know i did. yesterday i got woken up by nate calling my house seeing if i wanted to hang out and he also told me about new york and the pentagon and such. i saw it coming a mile away, what do we expect. i swear not a lot of people have liked us for a long time now, it was only a matter of time for them to think of something clever to get by our air security or whatever you call that. bush is all "freedom will be defended" well i hope he doesn't start sending people out to war, but hopefully i'll be in england by the time i get drafted. all of this is about fucking land, when will those other countries learn that religion can't run countries!!! ugh ugh ugh ! my heart sank watching all the footage but now it's on every channel and i'm getting numbed to it. but there are plenty of people in this world who are numbed to it happening to their loved ones. no one ever thinks about when the states were doing all those bombings not to long ago. the world is messed up and for some reason people think that death is a way to solve problems just like a high schooler or anyone else would think that fighting over a girl is reasonable. fuck i'm getting angry now so i gotta go. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 9th, 2001
11:26 pm	nutmeg future grabs solician commas by the throat it's been a long while since i've last posted. life right now is at a medium, calm, neutral lay back to busy for plastic things type of freedom. it's been nice i suppose. i've finally been able to work on more music now that shena and dan are back from new york well only today i was able to play with shane, makin some new what-not's. everything has been so grey and white that i can't wait to fall into deeper shades this november, getting more and more excited by the minute. i figure that no matter what i will be happy knowing that it would be a whole new beginning. E, my brother got this calling card that he said i can use so if i'm not busy with work i will probably call you in the next couple days so that we can plan and stuff cause i'm still a little lost, mentally about the trip. well i'm out Current Music: bjork- unison (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 28th, 2001
3:55 am	ugh ugh ugh well it's fuckin late and i still can't sleep...my whole lack of sleep thing is coming back to me so of course i have to resort to things that can keep me awake at work...bluckchchchh..there's no place like home but i don't wanna be there, so to speak and it sucks....but there's a cat sleeping on my lap right now . the past few hours i've been doing a lot of thinking and since i know where that leads it can't be a totally good thing. too too too too too many repetitions in my life that just shouldn't be there and who knows why everything becomes the same fuckin thing when everything seems to foreign at first...well before i ramble about nonsense i'm off to bed, i'm losing it (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 17th, 2001
5:16 am	i thought i was tired...but... well shit...since i practically never post on here you'd think that i would have lots to say, which i do but good ol lj isn't that private and there is almost too much to write about. well here's today: i worked for like 5 days strait and today was my 6th then danielle called me at work and asked if i wanted to hang with her, her new "someone"? (aparently) and cara. i actually had a really cool time. read me more of your words! my bullet proof glass is thinning isn't it. we all went to shari's and then i saw a few people i'm friends with at work so that was really cool. it was weird though, the whole time for maybe like a good half an hour (or maybe longer than that) there was this guy and this girl outside and they were just hugging outside of her car for what seemed forever, and it almost looked passionate but it was soley hugging! it made me feel really akward, i hate being all like that sometimes. then after that we all went to point defiance all late-style and me and cara walked for a little while but then we got freaked out but some light in the distance so we went back and then we all chilled for a bit at cara's, and it was much much fun. but as much as i would love to write more and more and more it is way way late and i have to get up early early early so i'm gone. Current Mood: content Current Music: computers should be more quiet than this.. (2 Comments |Comment on this)